I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i think i just lost a toe
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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