how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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