I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
