LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
