Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just pee around me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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