I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
