i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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