I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
