i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
