I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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