new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
