So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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