I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
