Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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