i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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