her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
