May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
