quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
