Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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