I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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