He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
