he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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