i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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