So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So much rum. So many feels.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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