I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
