yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
