____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
