MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
