I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
