her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
