I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
