Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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