I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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