I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize