You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
