New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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