Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
