if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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