Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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