My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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