hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
