Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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