I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
