jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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