I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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