in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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