can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
