You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize