Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
