i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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