so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
