i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
