We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
