i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
