Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
