I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Vodka?
Forever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
