No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
