Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Couch. On fire.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize