Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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