get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
