he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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