she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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