so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
