So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
