hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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