if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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