Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
