5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
