I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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